Talking to Yourself
by Warmal
Summary: Taking place immediately after the leaving the Love Sentence concert, Star comes to terms with the feelings that have been bubbling under the surface for a long time.


After taking one last look at Marco and Jackie, the princess of Mewni couldn't take anymore. Without looking back, she calmly walked out of the concert. Her mind raced and her heart was swimming with emotions. Why was she feeling this way? This was what she had been striving for for so long. If it wasn't for her, they wouldn't be together in the first place. If it wasn't for her, they wouldn't have been at the Love Sentence concert at all. If it wasn't for her...

All she knew as she walked away, was that the music was slowly tearing her inside. With a quick swing of her wand, a green fireball quickly destroyed the boy band's sign. A small action to let out some frustration that felt so good. She knew destroying things was bad, but as she brandished a fake smile, she let her true feelings come forth out into the sky.

Star Butterfly let magical destruction rain down on unsuspecting rocks and trees as she took a rather long route back into town.

Each step. Each explosion. Each thought. The original feeling of satisfaction quickly wore off. Whether because she grew bored of the act, or because it wasn't really helping at all didn't matter. The feeling faded, and in it's place an empty feeling held in her stomach.

"What is wrong with me?" she asked herself as she kicked up some dirt.

There was no answer.

Instead, she could see the image of Marco and Jackie kissing up in the stands flash before her eyes. It made the empty feeling mix with a seething anger that was very unlike her. Directed towards her friends that is. She had been plenty angry many times before. But never towards Marco or Jackie like this.

" _You're not mad at them."_

"Who said that?!" Star raised her arm at the ready, aiming in every which direction for the source of the voice. "Come out with your hands... and maybe some nachos up!"

Again, no reply was given. Not a sound or a stir. The street was eerily empty and quiet, save for the distant sound of cars deeper within the city.

"Okay, Star. Now you're hearing things."

She let out a tired and nervous laugh as she started walking again. Not entirely sure of her destination, her legs just started moving on their own. She meekly looked to her wand, thinking that maybe conjuring something up would lift her spirits, bur instead she just thinks back to Marco.

" _You really need to just admit it."_

Star looked around again, but she was still alone. Certain she had heard someone talking to her, she quickened her pace. Either someone was following her, or she was on another path to the talking dragon. Neither option was entirely pleasant to her.

" _You can't run away."_

"Oh yes I can!" she shouted as she started into a run.

The voice sounded familiar, but the growing twist in her gut compelled her to run. As she rushed down the street she would periodically look back to check if anyone was chasing her. No matter how often she looked, there was never anyone there. And yet the voice still tormented her.

" _You can't run from this, Star."_

She checked again, but still not a soul on the street.

" _You're gonna have to face it eventually."_

The voice seemed to be getting louder. She waved her wand to make a narwhal blast, but it didn't hit anything.

" _Okay. This is starting to get ridiculous. Even for you."_

Star wasn't sure exactly how long she had been running. It started to feel like forever. Doubling over in exhaustion, she propped herself up against a store window.

"Seriously," she gasped between breaths, "how long is this road?"

" _Are you done now?"_ the voice asked.

Star nodded with a little apprehension.

" _Okay. Then we can talk."_

"Where are you? Who are you?"

" _I'm right beside you."_

Star looked every which way, but still she couldn't find the source of the voice. Apparently, whoever was speaking was also getting annoyed with her lack of comprehension.

" _The window, Star."_

"Oh, you're inside the-" Star pulled herself from the glass, feeling the skin on her arm tug from being stuck- "window..."

When she looked into the store, she didn't see anyone. There also wasn't anything in the window display either. All she could see was herself, wearing the Love Sentence t-shirt she had made. The sight of it made her stomach turn again, fixating on the happy faces.

"What is wrong with me?"

" _You're in love."_

This time, the voice was not without face. Star could see her reflection clearly mouth the words as they were spoken. Only, she wasn't talking. Not after her sentence anyway. She pantomimed talking just to make sure. And yep. The reflection wasn't matching.

"I see we're going down the talking dragon route again," she said as she crossed her arms, looking at the reflection thoughtfully. "Unless you're one of the mirror monsters the palace guards told me about!"

The look on the reflections face was somewhere between annoyed and disgusted. Mostly annoyed.

" _Firstly, this isn't a mirror. Secondly, you know I'm not a monster because I'm you."_

Star rolled her eyes. The last time she went through one of these weird hallucinations was about as much as she would need for a life time.

"I'm sure-" she waved her hands around the air, trying to find the right words- "this little heart to heart would be enlightening and all. But I don't need it." Twirling her wand in her hand, she started to walk away from herself. "I think I just need to blow up a few more trees to clear my mind."

The unfortunate part of having a conversation with your reflection, is that you can't actually leave the conversation. Seeing as the reflection just follows you. The even more unfortunate part for Star, is that all the shops in this area of town seemed to have really nicely reflective windows.

" _You're just running away from your feelings again."_

Star continued to roll her eyes. Making sure it was noticed.

" _It's only going to feel worse if you don't face it."_

Her look of confidence was slowly starting to weaken.

" _You're not going to be happy if you don't figure this out."_

"Figure what out?!" She stopped and shouted at the window beside her. She was just about ready to destroy the reflection, wand raised high above he head.

When she looked up, she was able to see a store clerk in the store display, barely holding onto the products. He looked like he just had his soul startled out of him. Eyes wide in fear at the young girl on the other side of the glass. Star gave a bit of an embarrassed smile and chuckle, shyly waving at him before speeding off down the street.

Once she got a comfortable distance away from the store, she repeated herself.

"Figure what out?"

" _You've got a crush on Marco."_

The reflection stated it so 'matter-of-factually' that, for a second, Star thought she misheard her. When the reflection repeated herself, she knew she had heard correctly. It took everything in her power to not burst out laughing, and then she did anyway.

"Me?" she said between chortles, "Have a crush on Marco?" When she calmed down she looked at her reflection and let out another small laugh.

" _You done?"_

"W-wait. I got a little more."

This time the reflected Star rolled her eyes. Once the moment had finally passed, Star composed herself.

"I don't have a crush on Marco," she said. "He's my best-bestie on Earth. That's it."

" _Uh-huh."_ The reflection's eyes shot down and then back up, arm's crossed. _"Look at your shirt."_

Star looked down at her shirt, the one she had made for the concert. Little happy faces of her, Jackie, and Marco stared back at her. Focusing in on Marco front and center, she could feel her ears and cheeks begin to warm. She didn't need to look at her reflection to know the hearts on her cheeks were glowing.

" _That's what I thought."_

"I don't have a crush on Marco," she repeated. "I'm just upset because..."

" _You're just upset because you saw the boy you're crushing on kissing someone else."_

If there was one way to make Star mad, the reflection was quickly finding the perfect route.

" _Want me to make a case at least?"_

"You're not going to leave until you do?"

" _Nope."_

Star sighed in defeat and motioned for the reflection to follow her as she walked down the road. She had a feeling this was going to be one of those nights. Already she could feel the smug look she was sure was being shot at her through the shiny glass.

" _To start, you were totally jealous that Marco went to the dance with Jackie."_

"Um, duh?" she said. "We were supposed to go together."

" _But you let him. It wasn't until later that you started feeling jealous."_

"The reality didn't set in until later. We had made plans, I thought I wanted to do the seance. I was wrong. I wanted to spend time with my bestie."

" _You wanted to go on the date with your bestie."_

Star stayed completely silent.

" _And you used the spying spell to spy on them and ruin their date."_

"I was not spying!" Star stomped her foot into the ground. "I was making sure they were okay."

" _So you don't deny wanting to ruin it?"_ The reflection could see Star's wand begin to glow and decided to back down. _"Okay, okay. Case number two. You were totally drooling over him in Hekapoo's dimension."_

"I would argue that that was before I knew who he was."

" _And I would argue that even after you found out you could barely keep your hands off of him."_

Star tried to stare her reflection down, but this time she just wouldn't let up.

"Fine." she said, starting back down the road. "I will admit, he we very attractive after battling Hekapoo for sixteen years. Anyone would really. Is that a crime?"

" _Not at all."_ For a moment, Star thought she had won that one. Sadly, she quickly found she was wrong. _"But I know you've imagined him as his thirty year old battle hardened self on more than one occasion."_

And there was the loss. No point in arguing with her there. "T-that doesn't mean I have a crush on him."

" _Case numero three."_ Eventually they would run out of reflective surfaces, so her reflection was trying to wrap this up quick. _"You know you're the one who lied in the game of "Truth or Punishment.'"_

"No I wasn't," Star argued quickly. "I really did think I had a crush on Oskar."

She didn't realize what she had said before it was too late. There was hope that the possible hallucination hadn't caught it. But from the corner of her eye, she could see the smile already forming on it's face.

" _Had?"_

The tone was mocking Star. And it felt like the reflection was repeating it over and over. Or maybe it was just echoing in her head. Either way, she did say, 'had.'

"Okay." she admitted. "Yes. I thought I had a crush on Oskar. I didn't know I was lying."

" _So?"_ the reflection asked.

"So?"

" _So who do you have a crush on?"_

"I-I don't know?" She feels like she's starting to know.

" _Couldn't possible be the boy who's fought along side you this past year. Been there to help you in the hard times, made you smile in the sad times, stuck with you whenever you 'Starred' something up, or completely accepted you as you are without the title getting in the way."_

Star stayed silent. Every point her reflection... she was making was really good.

" _And there is of course that little detail about you and Marco dancing in the light of the blood moon."_

Star's eyes opened wide. She had nearly forgot about the Blood Moon Ball. With everything that happened between her, Marco, and Tom that night, the dance she and Marco shared was the last thing on her mind. But now that she was reminded, she could still feel the thrill from the short steps they shared.

"The moon of lovers." she said, her voice barely escaping her lips. "It chose us... I-I didn't even realize... That doesn't mean we have to fall in love though!" She was pleading with herself. "We can still just stay friends. Souls can bind in more ways than one..."

" _If things had just stayed as they were. But you slowly felt more."_

"I..."

" _Even if he doesn't feel the same. Maybe the Blood Moon didn't affect him. But this is about your feelings. Your true feelings. You didn't need to think about it until now. But this has been creeping up on you. And seeing him kiss Jackie finally turned something in you. That's why I'm here."_

"You're not real."

" _No," t_ he reflection admitted, _"but sometimes you need to talk things out with yourself. So?"_

"So?" she repeated.

" _Who do you have a crush on?"_

Star fell to the ground, holding her wand close to her heart.

"I have a crush on Marco."

Having finally admitted it to herself, the reflection version of herself vanished. She was finally alone on the street. Pulling herself up, she began to wander. Her tired legs slowly found their way back home. She didn't know the time. It could still be a while before the concert was over, or maybe it already was. It mattered not as she flopped on her bed.

"I have a crush on Marco," she said to herself again.

Normally, this would be a revelation she wanted to share. Especially something she would want to share to her best friend. Unfortunately, she couldn't. There was no way she could tell Marco this. Not when he was in a relationship with Jackie. The worst part of it all?

"If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't be together."

She unknowingly threw the boy she liked into the arms of another girl. Once again, she had managed to 'Star' things up. It would have to be kept secret. From everyone. Or else, things could get a little weird.


End file.
